A Pertinent Quesion

My mother has just asked me one of those questions which make your heart beat faster and your breathing become more difficult not to mention makes your head spin. She has a habit of asking pertinent questions at impertinent times and by God she's just hit me with a good one. It's my own fault for being such a bag of misery at the moment and seeing as she can read me almost as well as the boy and in fairness in some cases better she's never too far off the mark.

Today she asked me "Do I want to do this?" Meaning the law thing. When I say I nearly jumped down her throat I'm not exaggerating. I assured her immediately that Of course yes I do want to do this. She had to ring off then but I know she'll be back to me later so I really began to think about it....

The thing is Yes I want to study law. I want to spend my evenings and weekends stuck inside learning off cases and I want to pass my FE1s, I want to sacrifice my time and energy and press my relationship to its limits and not see my friends and family. Why? Because I really want to have a purpose. I'm sick of drifting from poxy job to poxy job. I want to be successful. I think I have a head for this legal stuff and I want to engage it. Yes its tough now but By God I'll make it pay when I'm finished! I have great support from people who care about me I'm young enough to have the energy and old enough to know the value of everything that I'm doing. If I don't get a direction to go in now and stick to it then I'm afraid I'll drift for the rest of my life wake up old and worn out someday and think what the hell did I achieve? That's why I'm doing this. And that's what I'm going to tell her when she calls me back. And I'm going to thank her for helping me get my direction back.

This is a flying post as I have loads to do but I needed to put those thoughts on paper (or at least in writing) now otherwise I would forget again! I've just read what I wrote its a bit stream of conscience-like but I feel better for it!