Best Hen Night EVER!

We talked... naturally.
Drank too much, does it even need to be said.
Pampered ourselves.
Received and gave gifts.
Drank some more.
Ate well.
Danced til we couldn't breathe.
Sang til our hearts nearly burst.
Laughed til we cried.

My ears are still ringing, my muscles still ache, my stomach turns when booze is mentioned, and I'm still laughing when I remember what we got up to!

Secret Shame (the latest one)

I have in the past listed some of my secret obsessions and the accompanying sense of shame I have at these activities in the past. They have included James Blunt and Harry Potter and that's all I'm prepared to say regarding a recap.

My latest secret shame is one I think I probably share with a lot of people at the moment and it truly is morally reprehensible.

I am currently obsessed with I'm a Celebrity... Get me out of here!

It's a show for those of you not familiar with it that uses the battered egos of one time "celebrities" who are desperate to recapture the fame that was once theirs. They are dumped in the Australian outback in a camp with little or no facilities and have to compete in horrendous tasks involving muck, slime, creepy crawlies, spiders, snakes, jumping out of airplanes... the list continues, all in order to win food. The British Public vote for the celebrity who takes on the task and they can be very very cruel.

This year amongst others we have David Gest, Jason Donovan, Mylene Klasse, Dean Gaffney and Toby Anstis. They are the ones I had heard of before the show started, the rest were unknowns to me but as is to be expeceted I now know all about them! Hence why people do it I guess.

This year there's a woman call Jan Leeming on it who I believe reads the news in England, is in her fifties, moans constantly, and she is getting hammered in the tasks. At this stage she has been voted to do more horrible things in order to win food than anyone else in the history of the show. And worse still it's compulsive viewing.

I feel so bad watching this cruelty and yet I tune in every evening. I draw the line at lifting the phone though. Does that make it any better?

Nah didn't think so either?

Handy tips for applying for a new passport!

I finally received my shiny new passport today (Thank God!, time's really a ticking now you know) but that was not before there was a little drama and a bit of hair pulling.

So if you are planning to apply for a new Irish passport here are some tips to make it easier!

Photographs.
They have become very strict about photos. There is to be no messing anymore. You must face straight on, don't smile, slouch, wear glasses that reflect light, a head scarf or look in anyway like an individual! Be careful about the distance of your head from the top of the photo as well and you also have to have your chin and the crown of your head between certain parameters! It took me 3 goes and €18 to get it right!

The Guards
Don't believe them if they tell you your photo is ok... They really don't have a clue but are very convincing about it when you have three of them staring at the notice from the passport office on the wall and then your photo as they scratch their chins and pretend to know what they're talking about!

The Post Office
If you don't live in Dublin use passport express in the post office. They got mine to me despite having to send back my photos within 10 days. I'm well impressed.

So there you go. Basically get your photos done properly and you'll be fine!

The lesson for today is...

5 stitches + cool scare - one mole = Ow.

Next the equation will be:

More stitches - 2 moles + more ow = One goldy coloured scarf to cover scare on neck.

Lots of sleepiness and a little brain deadedness due to anesthetic. Bit of a surprise as I didn't think a local anesthetic would make you feel weird = something new learned.

QED: Countdown to the great escape is on.

Safe and Sorry?

As previously mentioned I had an appointment for a colposcopy yesterday, which I hadn't planned on saying anything more about, but have obviously changed my mind on that score now that the matter is over.

I think the best description I can give is to refer you to the Dentist scenes in the film The Little Shop of Horrors. There was a chair which looked comfortable enough to please a practiced torturer, instruments to make your eyes water and a silently eerie doctor who grunted nearly finished now and again when I began to look as agitated as I felt.



My brother who is a doctor, once explained to me that, while they may not be taught this outright in medical school they are certainly encouraged to consider their patients as pieces of meat. While I can sort of see the logic behind this outlook, as it protects the doctor from becoming too involved, I also found it at the time to sound callous and cold and not how I would like someone to view me. After all the phrase "a piece of meat" brings images of the carcasses of soulless mammals to mind, not a way I prefer to view myself, lets be honest. However despite having many encounters with the medical profession I have not once ever felt so mistreated. Until yesterday.

I was prepared for the torture chair in my own mind but not for the indignity that accompanied getting into it while the nurses fiddled with settings and pedals and things which weren't helping me feel any better about the said indignity. A gown would have been appreciated. A place to undress in private would also have gone a long way.

I was prepared for the telescope that they had to use but not for the student nurse who stood directly behind the doctor staring at bits of me I barely know myself by sight. And worse still grimacing, once things were under way and at a time when I was really trying hard not to show fear. The fact that she continued to stare at me once I was released from the chair as I tried to draw the few scraps of dignity I had left around me did nothing to further endear her to me. Maybe she was interested in the myriad of interesting scars I sport? If so she could have asked I have no problem telling my story and she might have learned something, but just staring at me was improper, and what's more it was unfair, after all I was just trying to get dressed.

I want to make it clear right now that I would still rather have gone through what happened yesterday then discover in 5 years time that I have cervical cancer, and too late at that because I was too scared to put myself through a colposcopy. That is a foolish way to look at this and not one I would advocate. I will do whatever I have to do to be healthy, I've seen too many doctors not to know the value of health and well being. That's not what this is about. What I have a huge problem with and am increasingly angry about is the indignity of it. I was made to suffer because the hospital was short staffed (I was told this by the very kind nurse who took me aside afterwards and helped me compose myself), I was made to feel like a freak show and piece of meat by a girl who should have known better, and I was made to feel irrelevant and pathetic by a doctor who didn't care. I'm sure not everyone experiences this procedure this way, and I'm also sure there are better ways of doing it, than what I experienced.

I'll get the results in 2 weeks time and I don't foresee that there is anything to worry about but then again it probably is better to be better safe than sorry. Right??

Tieing up loose ends

Do you remember way back in the dark ages I announced that I planned to create a babies blanket for the Peanut to celebrate his birth? It was a very long time ago and I will forgive you if you can't remember.

However the good news is that I have FINALLY finished it.

I would like to defend myself by stating that I am usually not as pathetically slow at producing such items, but summer time is not a good time for knitting or needle work (cause your hands are too sweaty), and then I was away for a few weeks, and then I became very lazy, and then I nearly finished it but decided to leave it aside for 3 weeks instead... and so it continued.

However I am pleased to announce that the said article is now complete!

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Ta Da!

Moose I shall be coming to visit shortly now that the shame has lifted!

Full Service Please

Right so far the boiler has been serviced, it was grossly ineffecient.

The car is due for a service on Wednesday.

The attic will be serviced with insulation in the next few days.

The garden has been serviced with a short back and sides.

And finally I am getting a full overhaul and service. The sad thing about that last statement is that while it's loaded with innuendo it actually refers to medical services...
Before we hit the road I am in line for a colposcopy (please don't ask) 3 mole removals and full dental check (I hope that's all it's going to be, but seeing how bad my luck is at the mo I'll probably have to get root canal work or something equally as hideous done). I am not impressed but apparantly it's better to be safe than sorry...

All Hallow's eve

The difference between the celebration of the night of the spirits in the Irish countryside compared to the cities is truly startling!
For the past ten years I have been used to battling my way through gangs of intimidating younsters flinging bangers at me, each other, the local cat, or old people. I've hated every one of them. The noise usually starts sometime in September and intensifies the closer it gets to October 31st.

Now I know Minister for Fun McDowell has put legislation in place that is supposed to make the sale and use of such fireworks illegal so this year maybe (I'm not sure I believe the hype) things were different in Dublin.



Here in the midlands however last night was bordering on a religious experience! It was surreal and heartwarming and fun and truly surprising. Neighbours of my parents had built a huge bonfire on the hill behind our house and once it was lit I could see it from where my house is which is at least 4 miles away. As I approached the fire the roads were full of children on trick or treating missions, and cars parked all the way up our road without an inch to spare. At the fire itself there was some chat but mostly a warm and welcoming silence with people greeting each other with a nod as they stared into the seering heat of the flames. From the vantage point we could see at least six other fires and the most amazing fire works displays, which illegal or not were breathtaking. Someone nearby had spent a lot of money to have such a huge and long lived display, it was beautiful.

As the night got colder we were all invited into the neighbours house for wine, tea, sandwiches, games the whole works. It was a fantastic evening and if the purpose was to keep the spirits happy then they weren't the only ones appeased and refreshed.